I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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