well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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