Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
