It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think my moral compass just broke
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