put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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