How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need to calm my uterus...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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