Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
