We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
