I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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