I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
