Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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