Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
