Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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