people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
