Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
