i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
