I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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