it was like his penis was on wheels.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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