You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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