moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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