I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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