she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
