yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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