No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
