We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
