I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
