No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
