I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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