Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
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... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.