i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
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I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties