i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father