I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
