Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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