K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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