I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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