the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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