you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
