I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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