I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
