from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
As shirtless as possible
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
