Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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