I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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