I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
