This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
