giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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