im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
