i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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