Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
