This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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