My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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