dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
