I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
