there's paper in my vomit.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
