I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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