Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
