If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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