Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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