I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
