Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
