I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
