so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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