barbara walters just said penis...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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