upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize