what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
