based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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