in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
